Thursday, December 06, 2007
It’s fast approaching 6 months of Philip’s passing; a lot has happened, a lot has changed, my chickadees have changed and have somehow matured at an accelerated speed. They look at life differently now compared to kids who have not gone thru’ what mine has. Baba seems to have become the “little man” of the house and has become quieter. His silence worries me tho’ as I find it hard to know just how he feels and what he thinks. Megan & Mikey on the other hand are extremely expressive and will often freely say what they feel. However, all three constantly talk about their father, remembering everything that they shared with him. Just the other day, my chickadees spent some time in the room writing down all the things they remember doing with Philip, what they said to him, how much they miss him and their own special moments shared with Philip.
As for me, I miss everything, his smell, his smile, the way he’d annoy me and fight over the newspapers, his 10 times a day phone calls to me; but I have to say the one thing I miss the most about us is holding hands. Yes holding hands, Tuan & I always held hands, we held hands walking to the market, the playground; we held hands while watching tv, at the movies, in bed, we held hands all the time!
I carry on with my life with emptiness within me. The pain will never pass it will just become a part of me, I am moving on but I can never let go.
As for me, I miss everything, his smell, his smile, the way he’d annoy me and fight over the newspapers, his 10 times a day phone calls to me; but I have to say the one thing I miss the most about us is holding hands. Yes holding hands, Tuan & I always held hands, we held hands walking to the market, the playground; we held hands while watching tv, at the movies, in bed, we held hands all the time!
I carry on with my life with emptiness within me. The pain will never pass it will just become a part of me, I am moving on but I can never let go.
Comments:
<< Home
Philip seems to be like me, where its hard to express anything that you feel and think.So, we keep it all in.Furthermore, he is probably very worried and under stress, as he feels he is the man of the house,but limited to what he can do. This is really not healthy.
He should try to talk to somebody that he is comfortable with. Maybe when you are in bali,Hans could chat with him and see whats going on. Chatting with another guy will help him express some things..
yeah, i have to agree that the pain is now a part of your life. To me, there is no way around pain, and just have to accept it.You just have to set aside a portion of your heart for it.
I don't think there is a need to let go. People tell me all the time that i should let go this and that. I don't understand what letting go means?
How do you let go someone that you have given your heart and soul to and they have given the same back?....
Joce
He should try to talk to somebody that he is comfortable with. Maybe when you are in bali,Hans could chat with him and see whats going on. Chatting with another guy will help him express some things..
yeah, i have to agree that the pain is now a part of your life. To me, there is no way around pain, and just have to accept it.You just have to set aside a portion of your heart for it.
I don't think there is a need to let go. People tell me all the time that i should let go this and that. I don't understand what letting go means?
How do you let go someone that you have given your heart and soul to and they have given the same back?....
Joce
# posted by 
: 7:56 AM
: 7:56 AM
Well actually he does talk to his counselor and his teacher but you know me lah, i want him to talk to me...
# posted by : 9:32 AM
: 9:32 AM
Hi Ali,
I usually read your blog and make no comments... I understand how much you want Baba to open up to you. I think, from what I've known and seen of Baba, he's a very sensitive boy, open to feelings around him. Most importantly, he's your son and now, the "man" of the house.
Perhaps he feels talking to you about his pain will add on to yours and in his own protective way, he wants to save you from that. He's such a precious little boy - always so inquisitive and asks people what they think during conversations.
There are only a handful of people that can truly understand how you feel - I think everyone else just tries to relate any of their own personal loss and sadness - which comes in different shapes and sizes - in an attempt to display sympathy and empathy. I think the most anyone can do in this situation is try to understand because they do care about you.
Hope I've made some sense and hope you are looking forward to getting away from this rainy weather to some sun in Bali. I say get a new swimming costume, a big sun hat and a good book. Coppertone now comes in a spray. No more unglamourous white streaks!
Love, Tuff
I usually read your blog and make no comments... I understand how much you want Baba to open up to you. I think, from what I've known and seen of Baba, he's a very sensitive boy, open to feelings around him. Most importantly, he's your son and now, the "man" of the house.
Perhaps he feels talking to you about his pain will add on to yours and in his own protective way, he wants to save you from that. He's such a precious little boy - always so inquisitive and asks people what they think during conversations.
There are only a handful of people that can truly understand how you feel - I think everyone else just tries to relate any of their own personal loss and sadness - which comes in different shapes and sizes - in an attempt to display sympathy and empathy. I think the most anyone can do in this situation is try to understand because they do care about you.
Hope I've made some sense and hope you are looking forward to getting away from this rainy weather to some sun in Bali. I say get a new swimming costume, a big sun hat and a good book. Coppertone now comes in a spray. No more unglamourous white streaks!
Love, Tuff
# posted by : 2:40 PM
: 2:40 PM
Hi Tuff! strange, i was just thinking about you and how we laughed when Tuan fell at the bowling alley!
Thanks so much for what you said... I am very vey blessed to have so many of you rallying around me & the kids. Everyone has been great. I guess i have been so pre-occupied in my loss that I don't allow myself to be receptive to the sympathy & understanding shown toward me.
I do hope Bali will refresh me, I can;t keep feeling bitter & angry with the world.
Thanks so much for what you said... I am very vey blessed to have so many of you rallying around me & the kids. Everyone has been great. I guess i have been so pre-occupied in my loss that I don't allow myself to be receptive to the sympathy & understanding shown toward me.
I do hope Bali will refresh me, I can;t keep feeling bitter & angry with the world.
# posted by : 3:40 PM
: 3:40 PM
Hey Aly,
you have very wise friends and relatives. I don't have to add much seeing what wisdom has been given. I only want to say that your kids are growing up alright. They're fine and as every parent worries, what more can be done?? There is no need. Love is all that is required as you and Philip have so clearly showered on them.
I used to think that love can be limited. But now I know otherwise. Whether there is one or two parents, the child can get all the love that's needed. What Baba needs is a good male role model. That can come easily in your wonderful circle of closeknit friends and family.
I totally agree with Tuff abt him not wanting to upset you more with his fears and worries. Just talk to him freely. Men afterall don't want to be seen as weak beings ;P Let him know that he's not quite yet a man(blow on his ego for sure) just that you're his mom, u worry as any mom wld worry, you appreciate his help but he doesn't need to grow up too fast. U still want him to be your little boy...I hope I make sense...
And when in doubt, just offer a little prayer coz the rite words will just come when you let God in...God bless.
you have very wise friends and relatives. I don't have to add much seeing what wisdom has been given. I only want to say that your kids are growing up alright. They're fine and as every parent worries, what more can be done?? There is no need. Love is all that is required as you and Philip have so clearly showered on them.
I used to think that love can be limited. But now I know otherwise. Whether there is one or two parents, the child can get all the love that's needed. What Baba needs is a good male role model. That can come easily in your wonderful circle of closeknit friends and family.
I totally agree with Tuff abt him not wanting to upset you more with his fears and worries. Just talk to him freely. Men afterall don't want to be seen as weak beings ;P Let him know that he's not quite yet a man(blow on his ego for sure) just that you're his mom, u worry as any mom wld worry, you appreciate his help but he doesn't need to grow up too fast. U still want him to be your little boy...I hope I make sense...
And when in doubt, just offer a little prayer coz the rite words will just come when you let God in...God bless.
# posted by : 11:34 AM
: 11:34 AM
The hell with the people listen to your heart,let go of what the love ones you have lost hell no, it will stay in your heart forever untill you join with your love one.
read my blog there is a message
cherish it.I understand young philip is still a child let him enjoy his age,he is too young to handle, he will be a man in his own time and he will open up in his own time leave him be, has anybody thought of what philip needs ?
Post a Comment
read my blog there is a message
cherish it.I understand young philip is still a child let him enjoy his age,he is too young to handle, he will be a man in his own time and he will open up in his own time leave him be, has anybody thought of what philip needs ?
<< Home
